hmmmm

[gemmy]

I had to ponder long about this before responding and I have to say that this post (a recently deleted one lol) REEKS of self-centeredness (and not in a good Domly type way, I might add). I can understand that some D/s relationships are one-sided to the Dom and yet another side to the sub but I would not continue a dialogue with a man who refused to show me his picture (privately) immediately.

I've had many 'so-called' self titled Dom's demand my photo and in turn say I'll get theirs if and when They Deem it so (rolls over laughing) - yea, ok - some new, out of the gate innocent sub may fall for that Bs (and get hurt terribly), but I call them straight out on it.

Physical attraction is important in ANY relationship (D/s included). Any who says it matters not is either lying or kidding themselves really. That's not to say they all have to be Gods or Goddess, but they have to be at least physically pleasing to the other person (whatever that definition is for that person) or it's just not going to work.

It continually makes me roll my eyes when I read such things from aging, pot-bellyed, ill-mannered, untaken care of men (or right doms haha!), demanding that they will only talk with beautiful, in shape, height/weight proportionate females - kills me laughing everytime!

So your statement....

".....but by then my appearance will be of no importance..."

Really? Won't it? I'd rethink that if I were you

[blythe spirit]

Physical attraction is important in ANY relationship (D/s included). Any who says it matters not is either lying or kidding themselves really.

So your statement....

".....but by then my appearance will be of no importance..."

Really? Won't it? I'd rethink that if I were you

I just want to say that I'm neither lying or kidding myself. I truly do wish to know someone from the inside out. Physicalities get in the way. "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."

No matter how beautiful a person is, the attraction is short lived if they are ugly inside. And no matter how unattractive one might be, a good, caring heart, lets their beauty shine through.

Nevertheless, admiring a nice hunk doesn't bother me in the least. hehehe.

[gemmy]

I just want to say that I'm neither lying or kidding myself. I truly do wish to know someone from the inside out. Physicalities get in the way. "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."

No matter how beautiful a person is, the attraction is short lived if they are ugly inside. And no matter how unattractive one might be, a good, caring heart, lets their beauty shine through.

Nevertheless, admiring a nice hunk doesn't bother me in the least. hehehe.

lol blythe, of course it doesn't doesn't bother me none either but I have found the more beautiful the person is outside, the more ugly they are inside (a very general statement, yes, but is what I, in my own experience, have found) but I still say everyone has a 'physical attraction' type

Mine is big, burly, hygenic, bald is good mmmmm along with many other intangible qualities, as I said though, they need not be a God or Godess (in fact if they are, they wouldn't like me anyway as I am not one hehe) but....; I still need them to be in my category of 'attractive'

Ok, so I'm the only vain person on the entire board - no news there; I'm the only one who is the same as everyone else too hehe

[claire]

Physical attraction is important in ANY relationship (D/s included). Any who says it matters not is either lying or kidding themselves really. That's not to say they all have to be Gods or Goddess, but they have to be at least physically pleasing to the other person (whatever that definition is for that person) or it's just not going to work.

I agree. I don't care about bald heads or even beer bellies, but a picture reveals something of a person's character. It is the body language that is telling. When I asked for my Master's picture, he jokingly asked why I wanted to see his ugly mug. He was rather harsh on himself, but most would agree that he is not a particularly handsome man. Yet, there is kindness in the smile upon his face, and humor twinkling in his eyes. There are no ingrained lines of anger or disapproval on his face. Nor does his chin jut out with false bravado. He is not wearing any masks. He looks like what he is - genuinely him. When I received his photo my reaction was that he looked authentic, and I told him so, because I value authenticity very highly.

Now I enjoy a well hung man, tight buns, broad shoulders, and narrow hips, as much as the next voyeur. Yes they are titillating. But that is only eye candy, which is good for the moment, but soon vanishes only to leave me hungry for something with more substance. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the titillation while it lasts.

[gemmy]

I agree. I don't care about bald heads or even beer bellies, but a picture reveals something of a person's character. It is the body language that is telling. When I asked for my Master's picture, he jokingly asked why I wanted to see his ugly mug. He was rather harsh on himself, but most would agree that he is not a particularly handsome man. Yet, there is kindness in the smile upon his face, and humor twinkling in his eyes. There are no ingrained lines of anger or disapproval on his face. Nor does his chin jut out with false bravado. He is not wearing any masks. He looks like what he is - genuinely him. When I received his photo my reaction was that he looked authentic, and I told him so, because I value authenticity very highly.

Now I enjoy a well hung man, tight buns, broad shoulders, and narrow hips, as much as the next voyeur. Yes they are titillating. But that is only eye candy, which is good for the moment, but soon vanishes only to leave me hungry for something with more substance. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the titillation while it lasts.

Oh claire, you darling you!

Absolutely very well said physical attraction isn't about the plastic or the polish, it's about the simple knowing good on you for articulating what I've been failing miserably at.

*hugs* xo

[TomOfSweden]

Oh claire, you darling you!

Absolutely very well said physical attraction isn't about the plastic or the polish, it's about the simple knowing good on you for articulating what I've been failing miserably at.

*hugs* xo

I'm not so sure about that. What we're attracted is not only defined by cultural pressures... ie selecting for qualities that are hard to attain for the sake of exclusivity. Like being attracted to rock hard abs or skinny girls in in trendy clothing.

There's a second type of primeval pure instinct attraction which probably is stronger but much harder to understand in ourselves. It's the pure animal part in us. That's what I think you mean that you're preferring. I also think that we don't like to have this type of attraction because we cannot control it effectively. We fear what it'll compel us to do. These two different types of systems are in conflict.

This is cutting edge science at the moment so its hard to say anything definite. But there are things they've been able to show. Like testosterone/oestrogen levels are important. Men with disproportionately high levels of testosterone will be attracted to women with disproportionally high levels of oestrogen. Basically, big hairy men with deep voices and bulging muscles will be the soul mates of women with big hips, smooth skin and big tits. While the small breasted slim women will fall for smaller guys with smoother skin. Obviously its more complex than my simplified model. Hormones define a large part of our behaviour and personality which probably is even more important than the looks. Big tits is correlated to "girly" behaviour.

I think what is happening is that a man with the genetic make-up you're attracted to...well... you'll think he's interesting and clever because you think he's hot. But because he's doesn't display stuff I mentioned first, you think that its somehow less superficial.

I'm not saying we can't have deep fulfilling love that is intellectually stimulating and all that. But I don't think the stuff we're attracted to is in any way deep. He's just pushing the right buttons. I'm sure you know the feeling of chatting to a guy and find yourself very attracted to him, and then you meet him... and you find yourself completely unattracted to him. It wasn't his fault. You were reading physical properties from his texts and chats that weren't there.

I don't think I'm devaluing love in any way BTW. I think it's wonderful and beautiful still. Self-consciousness is a great feature that sets us apart from other animals. But it just makes us conscious of what is there. We're not any less animals or any less ruled by animal sexual instinct.

Everybody might as well post pictures of themselves, since none of us has any clue what others might be attracted to. We can guess... but we'll probably be wrong. Girls have never fallen for that which I've always been most proud of. I work out and is in great shape. Even so number one most popular part is my eyes and eye-brows.... I mean WTF! I can't do anything about them!?!? What's the fun in that?

[claire]

Even so number one most popular part is my eyes and eye-brows.... I mean WTF! I can't do anything about them!?!? What's the fun in that?

Ah, but to quote someone, I don't know who - Eyes are the window to the soul!

[TomOfSweden]

Ah, but to quote someone, I don't know who - Eyes are the window to the soul!

I know who came up with that... a million billion random horny women.