Quote Originally Posted by Rowen View Post
thrall, whising I had your gift with words to express my gratitude. Indeed it is all about emotions..but also actions and expectations, obligations.
Euryleia, you fountain of wise quotations and lines, thanks, point taken. You have no idea how adequate that comparison is.

The problem is...I am talking about my brother and my mother, my father being dead for years now.
I really really thougt I had made my peace with "it" and with them. And they try in their way, in fact being victims as well.

The problem is...that I can't use my anger to those who in fact deserve, I can't hurt my family, I can't hurt those bullies from school who no doubt have forgotten all about it.
Indeed I am still scared to lash out..because the unlucky reciever will have many bills settled. Been told I can literally cut someone to pieces in anger, even if it is only verbal.

The problem is...that at one hand I am so glad about what's happening, me finally stopping the fight in myself, accepting who I am, what I need, what I have to offer. But unable to share this with even the best friends, and still having to fear the opinion of those just waiting for a chance to have their pick on me - because of the work I do.

There is the grief of years wasted in a battle that never should have been fought, the irony being that what caused my needs also caused my moral problems with it. And yes, there is that fear of losing it all...after all those years.. The fear of staying that lone rider, hiding in strength and isolation.

I will add the original post..there is nothing to be ashamed about. And it did help. Thank you all, thank you so much..

Ok...i may take loads of heat for the...but......oh well

It is alright ot HATE your mother

It is alright to HATE your brother

It is alright to HATE your father....even if he is dead...being dead does not absolve him of anything.

I don't care if they "were victims themselves".......it they victimized you......that made them perpetrators......abusers! There is no excuse......and as "victims" themselves......they should know better.....

You do not have to say your piece......with anger........but matter of factually

Use "I" words.......this is how "I" feel....this is what "I" think....this is what was done to......."ME"

SAY THE .........."IT".......say what "IT".....IS.....

And ya know what Rowen..if they dont like it......to damn bad! The brutal truth.....sometimes hurts.....very badly.

OK.....so you say cant hurt you family.....but you also realize that they are toxic to and for you.....stop talking and interacting with them.......There is no law that says that you must.


I am a loner....my friends are loners....we just happen to like being alone....together.......