Originally posted by bip0lar:
i don't know which part of my head to listen to
bip0lar,
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified something she called the five stages of grief. These "stages" are emotions or sets of emotions that we all go through after we experience a trauma. Here is what a short explanation:

The Five Stages of Grief
Denial:
* Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening."
Anger:
* Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can you accept this!"
Bargaining:
* Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."
Depression:
* Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"
Acceptance:
* Example - "It's going to be OK."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, or infertility. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.
As you can see, they are not neat, clean and predictable. You are going through some now, it seems, but that is OK. We all do when bad things happen.

Do not punish yourself for something you did not do, or choose. And don't try to tell yourself you should be further along in healing than you think you are. Your wound is still bleeding. It's going to take time to heal. For some of us it takes a long time. Take it easy on yourself. Just realize, the swirl of emotions, the inner confusion, the questions, is all normal.

Please remember, through it all, you are lovable. You are worth having as a friend. You are a good person.

I wish my arms were long enough, I'd give you a big, safe, long, silent hug.