This is good, Shwenn, very good, but I'm sure you already know that. I enjoyed it very much, and I look forward to reading more.

If I had to be super nit-picky I'd say perhaps you could lose a few of those passive wases and weres, especially from thet first (and mosts important) paragraph. I don't know how some author's do it, but I've read entire novels where I could count the number of times was was used on one hand and still have fingers and thumb left over. And, maybe this is just me but "Ok" in a dominant's dialog always sound kind of wishy-washy to me.