victims of abuse support for submissives

[denuseri]

hiya naomi and darkbutterfly> i am glad you posted here with us you are very brave to come forward as are the others before you , i wish we didnt have this commonality to share, its not a great club to be in


abuse weather it was from a bdsm situation or not is still abuse



our subbmission in a bdsm relationship can actually work as a strength to our recovery in many ways especially with a supportive owner, i draw great comfort from my owners protective support as well as his understanding, it is also something that keeps me from harming myself when the darkness closes in because i have to preserve myself for him (i dont know if it makes sence to all but it works for me) i also see that effort to protect myself from myself to preserve my owners "property" as a motivator for the as yet unowned too, as they must protect themselves for thier future dom/domme

also the medical comunity has a tendency to catorgize we that are lovers of bdsm in a way that puts our kink in a derogatory light (more than one doctor and or nurse/therapist has shown me such discrimination first hand)

, something i wish to say about this is they are wrong when they do this, we are loving careing human beings and i figured the people that would best understand this is our fellow bdsm community members that dont judge us for our kink

thats one of the main resons the thread was started so we that are into bdsm and are survivors of abuse, (any abuse) can help support one another, aslo it was to help establish a modus opperandi for recovery and information guilde for those in the community that are trying to help abuse survivor submissives but didnt really know how to go about it, i have heard of many mis-communications between doms/dommes with formerly abused submissives that didnt understand why thier sub just couldnt "get" past certian aspects or perform certian tasks for them, and who better to give them the informational tools they need to help thier subs than we who have survived

after all, who best understands our peer group if not ourselves?

[Karesch]

Firstly I'd like to say my thanks to all who have posted in here. Truely. Thank you. I've never in my life read something so heart rending, yet so beautiful at the same time, in all of my life. I've been part of numerous communities over the years, and none has ever earned so much of my respect as this one has, in this thread. My heart goes out to all of you and the pains you feel.

It's taken me more than a few hours, and probably half a pack of smokes, to read this thread, all the while searching my soul, seeing parts of my past, considering, contemplating, owning and contemplating further. In the end, I've decided that I'll speak. Mayhap not for the support recieved, but perhaps for any support or strength it might give others. For any strength it might offer.

Yes, I have been in abusive relationships. Verbal and physical. Most who know me, who truely know me and are my closest friends, know the things I've been through, and they understand and have always been a great source of strength in recovery. Most others would scoff at the idea of it even being possible. How does a 6', 250lb, physically intimidating, mentally strong, Dom, get abused... well, it's simple... size and physical prowess is as much a hinderance in life as it is a boon, and especially a hinderance when dealing with abuse as a man, from a woman.

The fact is simple and all too painfully plain when in that situation. I am very capable of hurting people. I've studied alot of martial arts, biology, physiology, all the makings of a true human predator. I know this about myself, and it is a source of my confidence and self assuredness, aswell as being a hinderance.

Verbal violence I can take, and take, and take, and take some more. It doesn't require any reaction from me, although it does create internal strife and pain. I've suffered lots of this at the hands of significant others. More than I care to dwell on.

Physical violence on the other hand, is a whole nother ball of wax. It's immediately painful, and most human's reaction is to try and stop the hurt. To avoid it, or defend oneself. Yet I can't do that either. Size and ability is a hinderance. Any response from me, even a very controlled one, could and is likely, to result in the other party being hospitalized or seriously injured at the least. So what does one do. I've had to force myself to just take it. To take hold of my instinctive desire to defend myself and do absolutely nothing but ride it out, because in the end, who does the cops/judge/jury believe... the 5'5" 115lb woman who's wearing casts, or the 6' 250lb guy that doesn't have more than a couple bruises... So I've endured it, left it when the time was right and moved on. Talking to those that I trust about my experiences, healing, and now, sharing with the rest of you, that even a very physically capable, very tough, Dom, can be on the recieving end of such misery...


K

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by Karesch:
So what does one do. I've had to force myself to just take it. To take hold of my instinctive desire to defend myself and do absolutely nothing but ride it out, because in the end, who does the cops/judge/jury believe... the 5'5" 115lb woman who's wearing casts, or the 6' 250lb guy that doesn't have more than a couple bruises... So I've endured it

Karesch, you definitely are not alone in this.

Several years ago there was a program on television (and right now I'll be damned if I can remember the specifics) that told the stories of several men who were physically abused by their wives. But it's not like they were small men, or weak, or physically hindered in any way. All of them were beaten by women smaller and weaker than they were. One man when asked why he didn't try to stop her said, "I was brought up not to hit women." So, he "took" her abuse.

The thing is, all of them had emotional problems from the abuse virtually the same as people who are abused by someone stronger. Abuse is abuse, no matter the size of the abuser, and no matter the size of the abused.

For me, there is no mystery here. Yes, someone your size can be abused, and does suffer from it.

Thank you for sharing your story.

[Karesch]

I just hope that by sharing it, it gives some sort of comfort in it's knowledge to others that are in or have been through, similar situations.

[Rowen]

I just hope that by sharing it, it gives some sort of comfort in it's knowledge to others that are in or have been through, similar situations.

Karesch, trust me, it does. And you show your strength by telling over here. cos.. yes.. who would expect that strong men to be on the recieving end - because of exactly that strength.

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by Karesch:
I just hope that by sharing it, it gives some sort of comfort in it's knowledge to others that are in or have been through, similar situations.

And I just hope that you can get some measure of comfort also. We all need a little support after some of the crap we experience. Here we give and get...It's a pretty good deal.

[Karesch]

*smiles* thanks. Psychologically I'm fairly sound I think, I'm one of the fortunate sort of people that can let things go pretty easily and not be bogged down by my own baggage. *shrugs* dunno, guess I'm lucky in that regard, coupled with the fact that my ordeals, while there have been a few, have never lasted very long because I got myself the hell out of the situations once I recognized them for what they were. So I'm mostly here to offer a sympathetic ear to anyone that wants someone to talk too, and to show people that, just because a person is big, tough, and Dominant, doesn't mean their immune to getting into these sorts of situations and it's alright to be/have been there and it's not something to be ashamed of.

K