Thank you so much for giving me feedback. Thank you also for your kind words. I do like this first chapter. I am also very proud of chapter 3. If you could stick around and do a number on chapter 2, I'd be eternally grateful. I've reworked it about four times but nothing I do seems to change the fact that it's a big, steaming turd.

I'll definitely go through it with a passive voice comb. This is exactly the sort of advice I need. It never jumps out at me but I know what a huge difference it will make to correct it.

The ok is meant to be wishy-washy and the fact that you don't get that is a big problem for me. She doesn't care what the new name is. I need to rework that dialogue so that comes across more clearly. I really want that to come across.