It is true that you need to be careful and definitely ask away...as I was trying to find my "perfect" Dom I asked what they wanted, I told them what I wanted, the intensity (and as we go along it could get more intense) and I listened to my instincts...yes, there was an inner me telling me when a Dom wasn't right for me and when the right one came along...even then we spent 8 months talking on the internet and on the phone before we got together finally....so, I wish you the best and if you have any questions for me, just ask