How much do your parents/family know?

[hopperboo]

Uhm, I'll share, because in hindsight it's kinda funny--although that moment it was horrific....

So, sex and sex-related subjects have always been open in this household, my mum being the hippy-feminist she is has always promoted this openness--although my brothers did have some second thoughts about it when I got my first pack of condoms as a Christmas present [haehaehaeh].
I had this large red folder filled with BDSM related sex stories, some written by me, some printed out from several sites. I was packing to leave for the UK for studies, so all my things were piled up in my room in order to get into my suitcase.
Long story short, I forgot the large red folder. I realised my mistake shortly after I arrived at Uni and emailed my mother informing her that I kinda needed that large red folder. Unfortunately....She opened it. *giggles* She called me, and i heard quite a mortified voice on the other end of the line, asking me whether these 'scenaaarios', as she put them, where what I wanted her to send me. My heart started beating 10 times faster thinking 'This is it. You're getting disowned now!' But no, I answered in the most calm voice i could manage 'yes, mum, that's what i forgot.'
If that wasn't enough, my brother called me a couple of hours later laughing his bleeding arse off: "MUM FOUND YOUR SEX STORIES", he said. "THIS IS EPIC!" I held back and didn't send him to hell, what with him helping me pay the rent and all, but i think he figured out i was embarassed out of my wits for this, so he added 'Don't you dare worry about it. If mum knew what kind of perverse things D. [our other brother] and i are into, we'd have been disowned long before you'.

My mum never asked questions about those 'scenarios', although she did send me a couple of books and a long long letter that kinda blamed herself for my tastes. I took it up with her and discussed the issue, telling her that it's nobody's 'fault' as i don't consider it something wrong. I did do the right thing and calmed her down [although i had to use a smaall amount of lying] by telling her that 'hey, i'm still 18, maybe it's just a phase!' [YES, i pulled that one off, although i doubt she believed me...]
So yup, she agreed that there's nothing wrong about it, told me to be extra careful and enjoy myself.

and all in all i'm happy i told her. and i'm glad i've got an understanding family [even though a bit creepy at times heahehe]

Oh no! LOL.

[Emerson]

I'm in a similar boat to many people here. My parents don't know, but it's entirely possible they suspect something. They'd never confront me about it, because I don't think they consider it their business, and if they did find out I don't think it would bother them. Nevertheless, I'm not volunteering information.

On the other hand, my best friend and former college roommate does know (hard to keep it from him). He has asked me for advice a couple times, and while I still think he's not fully comfortable with the whole thing - especially since he knew me and my girlfriend for a long time before he found out we were into bdsm - he's an openminded kind of guy.

My other friends from college (I graduated earlier this year) never knew - as far as I'm aware - but could be frustrating because of their negative view of bdsm. Sex was a common topic in our conversations, and innuendo was rampant, but bdsm was treated with a kind of off-hand dismissal and a general attitude of disgust. On reflection, this was probably the result of some kind of Freudian repression (indeed, when we read Freud the anti-bdsm sentiment was more palpable), since many of my friends struck me as natural doms or subs, but at the time it was somewhat frustrating. My own tendency to subtly stir the pot didn't help much, whether through innuendo of my own, or taking my girlfriend to a field day before releasing her from submission once (that was a party...).

But through it all there was never much of a conversation, which was too bad. The taboo surrounding bdsm is, to me, a strange but inevitable outcome of the currently conflicted national (and perhaps international, but I wouldn't really know) attitude towards sex. To some, sex is an open field, conversation is encouraged, and knowledge is shared, but to others it remains the realm of dirty jokes and secret lusts. There ought to be room for honesty - without any unnecessarily explicit details - but too often the old mental habits that pigeon-hole certain people and lifestyles (bdsm = abuse) are much stronger than even a willful, educated person can overcome. Combine that with a healthy dose of respression* and you have a culture of intense taboo.

*True story: A ostensibly vanilla friend of mine, in an otherwise vanilla conversation about relationships, blurts out this: "Watch out if he brings out the ropes and whips on the first date!"

Anyway, sorry to rant and rave a little. It's just fascinating to me how many of the people here - who are so open with each other despite being, in many cases, complete strangers - are secretive about their bdsm lives to the people they actually know (myself included).