I'm in a similar boat to many people here. My parents don't know, but it's entirely possible they suspect something. They'd never confront me about it, because I don't think they consider it their business, and if they did find out I don't think it would bother them. Nevertheless, I'm not volunteering information.

On the other hand, my best friend and former college roommate does know (hard to keep it from him). He has asked me for advice a couple times, and while I still think he's not fully comfortable with the whole thing - especially since he knew me and my girlfriend for a long time before he found out we were into bdsm - he's an openminded kind of guy.

My other friends from college (I graduated earlier this year) never knew - as far as I'm aware - but could be frustrating because of their negative view of bdsm. Sex was a common topic in our conversations, and innuendo was rampant, but bdsm was treated with a kind of off-hand dismissal and a general attitude of disgust. On reflection, this was probably the result of some kind of Freudian repression (indeed, when we read Freud the anti-bdsm sentiment was more palpable), since many of my friends struck me as natural doms or subs, but at the time it was somewhat frustrating. My own tendency to subtly stir the pot didn't help much, whether through innuendo of my own, or taking my girlfriend to a field day before releasing her from submission once (that was a party...).

But through it all there was never much of a conversation, which was too bad. The taboo surrounding bdsm is, to me, a strange but inevitable outcome of the currently conflicted national (and perhaps international, but I wouldn't really know) attitude towards sex. To some, sex is an open field, conversation is encouraged, and knowledge is shared, but to others it remains the realm of dirty jokes and secret lusts. There ought to be room for honesty - without any unnecessarily explicit details - but too often the old mental habits that pigeon-hole certain people and lifestyles (bdsm = abuse) are much stronger than even a willful, educated person can overcome. Combine that with a healthy dose of respression* and you have a culture of intense taboo.

*True story: A ostensibly vanilla friend of mine, in an otherwise vanilla conversation about relationships, blurts out this: "Watch out if he brings out the ropes and whips on the first date!"

Anyway, sorry to rant and rave a little. It's just fascinating to me how many of the people here - who are so open with each other despite being, in many cases, complete strangers - are secretive about their bdsm lives to the people they actually know (myself included).