What is an online dom or master?

[The I]

Many of us use the term all the time. Quite a few of us are seeking one, or want to become one, on the chat, in the personals, etc. But what exactly do we mean by the term, ‘how much’ and what does it mean to be someone’s online dominant (or someone’s online submissive for that matter)?

I find myself using the term as much as any other person but I must admit I’m not completely sure that my understanding of it is the same as everyone else. Perhaps because of my being a student and being taught to seek clarity in definitions I’m not quite satisfied by this uncertainty so please help me. What do you consider online domination to be?

To, hopefully, establish a little bit more conceptual certainty I’ll list the kind of ‘content’ to a relationship I could imagine being (or not being) part of online domination (excuse the kind of clinical description, it’s for the sake of clarity):

• Mentoring: As in one of the parts (the dominant mostly I guess) teaching the other part about kink.
• Cybering: As in describing sexual activities one does to each other. Perhaps in a broader sense applicable here not just sexual play but also elements of servitude etc.
• Roleplaying: As in describing something, mainly sexual, where you pretend to be someone else than who you are. IE cybering while ‘playing roles’.
• Crossover activities: As in the parties doing things physically for example masturbating, hurting oneself, undressing or dressing up etc. Perhaps assigning each other tasks etc. In this context I’d imagine it would mostly be the dominant ‘controlling’ the submissive (at least that’s my experience with it).
• Flirting/romancing: Talking about feelings for each other, imagining how things would be together, perhaps also exploring each other’s kinks and what one would like to do in real life…

I think I’d personally consider the last two the ‘requisite’ of online domination, perhaps only the last category although that’s kind of ‘fluffy’… I’m not feeling that I’m really capturing the concept though so if there are any of you that has a more elegant way to define this please help me out!

[SilvieA]

Great question:-P I'm a little confused on that score as well, so I can't wait to see how people respond!

Silvie

[Arria]

I do not think that can be defined on a general basis.

A relationship of any kind, be it online or real life, will be what the participants want it to be. Limits and such will vary for the same reason.

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

Actually, my online relationship with my Master contained all those elements.

W/we were bascially each other's mentors, since W/we each taught the other person what W/we considered to be kinky, the basics of BDSM, what W/we were expecting from BDSM, etc.
W/we cybered and He taught me how to best serve Him, both sexually and otherwise.
W/we roleplayed and He learned which scenarios I liked best and responded to the best.
He began to assign me tasks so that I could serve Him better.
And W/we discussed what O/our lives would be like once W/we met IRL, discussed O/our feelings for one another, etc.

People often don't understand how someone can fall in love with someone they only know from online. I was one of those skeptics myself until it happened to me. Believe me, when you develop an online relationship with someone, when you are chatting with that person 6. 7, 8 hours a day, every day, for a solid year, like Master and I did, you become extremely close. I lived for the time W/we spent online. When I woke up the first thing I thought about was when I would be able ro chat with Him that night. And it wasn't just chatting online, of course. W/we progressed to where W/we were sending e-mail, snail mail and talking on the phone. Once W/we reached that stage, there was no turning back for either of U/us. W/we both knew then that W/we were going to meet and be together IRL.

[samm]

I consider online domination as what you describe under 'Crossover activities' and Roleplay.

You should of course talk about what you both want in an online relationship and see what the possibilities are. If you find that you can enjoy playing together, then you can engage in assigning and doing tasks and describing to the other how you've done it and how you feel with it. The assignments can be either to do immediately while chatting or they can even continue between chat conversations. This way the Dominant can exert some control over his/her submissive and later hear the results, perhaps with photographic material to support it. As long as you both get your fun out of it and enjoy yourselves!

[denuseri]

wow what a fun post The I

many here dont know or remember what kind of cyberslut i was when i first got here, whisper whisper whisper, i used to be allways in whisper lol

i have a certianly seen and done all of those online catagorial discriptions myself, i didnt classify them the same way exactly, i used to call it the five forms of cyber sex

1) foreplay in the lobby: hi how are you today, nice weather, yes, oh really, cool... ... ... etc etc etc ... ... flirting... ... teasing... ... .... i looked at your profile ...etc...etc...etc,..... want to pm?
(or coure if its a "Troll" you usually skip straight to whisper with: "hey baby your hot get on your knees slut" unless its a shy troll with manners than its in whisper again out of the blue with:" mind if we pm?" LOL, or the veteran troll, that says nothing much in chat to anyone but follows the rules at least and asks permission to pm in the lobby first. giggles

2) First person action/cyber fun:this ussually happens in whisper or private chat, or with the pic sharing web cam crowd on yim or sumthing, this is where i as a submissive, preform in real life what i am told to do (sans web cam in my case), for the girls with web cams i might remind you to charge some money or sumthin i mean sheesh i dont do even close to any real sex at my nite job dancing and i make bank! (also btw the flicker girls make mad cheddar for what your doing for free) not to mention your cam session may be streamed by the guy all over the internet or sold by him at a profit lmao in a sad way, now dont get me wrong this form of cybersex is in my opinion the most fun if you have a real good dom giving directions that has patience and understands you type better with two hands, i know more than a few that excelled at this type of dominance, some of the tasks they order are highly erotic, and the ones that know thier business are great, the vast majority of them however are ussually lacking in imajination, and thats where reverse mentoring comes in (some call it topping from the bottom) but i am sorry if a guy obviously doesnt know what he is doing here then he needs some help (carrot and stick as my owner calls it)

3) fantasy role play real time online now this one is just like reading a dirty story, but getting to participate at the same time, it takes time, and is sometimes done in the forums, but if you have three hours to blow its worth it with a well versed dom/domme into doing short scenes in chat (whisper private room, etc) and some times rather exciting, especially if you can type with one hand real good like me

4)poof, pretend we are in real life right now not big on scene discriptions but still wanna have story orientated cyber sex? then this is for you, its like poof , majically you pretend to be in the other personas pressence, some do it in the lobby, whisper, open chat, dungeon, where have you, you simply describe your actions in text, just please dear lord for any others in the lobby that have to see your posts, try to be more descriptive instaed of just "this slut obeys" or "i suck sirs cock" or" ohhhh omg ohhh ohhh sir mmmph" etc etc winks

5)forum role plays: cyber sex for the people that dont mind taking a long long time to get the job done, again this form is like other roleplays, and is even more like actual writting your part of a story as opposed to any actual roleplay, so the name is kinda ironic, but for the "writers" this form of erotisim is very fufilling and gives a sence or permacy, but in my opinion is just as much cyber sexing as first person or any of the above catagories

the only form sex takes isnt just physical penetration in real life eaither, from a knowing glance and flirting to between the sheets the mating rituals of earthbound humans are complex to say the least with many different perspectives and diffenitionsor course human nature is to self justify guilty pleasures in many many ways to downplay there signumancy

food for thought for all you that think cybering with another while you have an online only dom (which some find laughable to begin with) or real life dom is wrong : each time you read a dirty story (let alone roleplay etc) your having sex with the authors/doms mind, even if its indirect, especially if your personifing yourself into the main characters role, cyber sex has many many forms just like real life, WEG

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

Your post brought back a lot of memories for me, denu. When I first was in chatrooms I was a major cyberslut and participated in cybersex categories #1-4 on a regular basis with a lot of different people. I haven't participated in #5 here on this forum, since Master and I have done that on O/our home computer together for many years now.

Even though I used to be a cyberslut, I'm not anymore because I am collared and I don't cyber with others anymore. To me, personally, it would wrong for me to do that, especially since Master and I are monogamous and only have sex with each other. This is only my opinion and deals only with my relationship with my Master. I don't care what others do online with anyone else. Other subs have Masters who don't care if they cyber with others. However, I belong to only my Master and He doesn't share, online or IRL.

[denuseri]

oh very true my sister, and it all depends on what our deffinition of "is is lol

i know a lot of people see cyber sex as cheating on thier signifigant other, still i see a lot of real life married wemon that come online seeking the dominance thier husbands are eaither unwilling or incapable of providing at home, i sympathize with both sides of the equation in regard to cyber or not to cyber

my husband/owner and i fortunately see the issue the same way which sure helps things and i believe its a discision that should be made together for any couple

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

Before I had met Master I had taken a break from cybering, because I was running into too many married men whose wives wouldn't submit to them. Sorry, but I stay away from married men, even if they are online. And especially when they would tell me that their wives didn't know that the husbands were online looking for women to cyber with. I didn't want to get caught up in all that mess so I just stopped altogether. Goddess knows that there probably were married men who lied to me about their marital status before I did cyber with them. Good thing you can't catch STDs from the computer.

[denuseri]

Giggels just imajine, the husband is cybering in one room of the house while the wife is cybering in another, they both meet online and cyber with each other thinking they are cybering with (all the while lamentating thier spouses lack of kink ) others etc lol