Communicate...communicate...communicate!!! Take it from one who did not do so for 25 years of marriage. If you need something in your intimacy that you are afraid to bring up for fear of alienating affections then you will not have a happy, satisfying relationship. I finally told my spouse of my submissive needs. She has accepted the concept and has taken the initiative to research and learn. I will need to wait to see how deeply she chooses to play and I am committed to accepting what she chooses.