Insults and new subs

[kurious25]

Wise words indeed by Raven Shadowborne and thank you MacGuffin as well for your insights. I wish i had seen this when i first signed started chatting here, because that "fresh meat" effect almost drove me away a few times.

Doms who feel they need to insult me as being not a "true submissive" make me laugh now, but when i first started it was almost painful to hear that as i muddled through what submission meant to me. Now, i can laugh it off, and realize that someone who would throw that out there isn't the kind of "Dom" i am looking for. For me at least, someone who feels they have to use those type of insults to get respect and submission doesn't deserve it.

[Polaris]

Wise words indeed, and words that should be said more often as well in my humble opinion. All this true submissive stuff makes me feel insecure rather often than not, and weirdly moreso now that I'm not the complete newbie anymore. I would like to add, however, that these 'you are not truly submissive if you...' statements do not only come from dominants, but also very often from other submissives. I am not ultra-super-duper-perfect-slave. I doubt I can be. And yet, that's the picture that's mostly presented to me -- if you are truly submissive, you'll find a way to be ultra-super-duper-perfect-slave. If not, you got a life that interferes yaddayadda, you are simply not submissive, but merely pretending in one way or another. Honestly, that bothers me. And now I'll stop ranting

[DIXIE LASS]

I would like to add, however, that these 'you are not truly submissive if you...' statements do not only come from dominants, but also very often from other submissives.

And yet, that's the picture that's mostly presented to me -- if you are truly submissive, you'll find a way to be ultra-super-duper-perfect-slave. If not, you got a life that interferes yaddayadda, you are simply not submissive, but merely pretending in one way or another.

Amen, Polaris. These kind of snide and patronizing statements from the "Super Subbies" bothered me at first more than the chastisements from Doms who became so enraged if I challenged them. I've learned a lot about ignoring some of this twaddle in the past 6 weeks but at first it affected me emotionally and I hate for new people to have to experience this. For some reason I thought if I made someone mad or didn't live up to their expectations that I would be all alone and have no one. Little did I know that you can have as many doms and sub friends as you have time to handle. The internet has turned the world into one great big cheap international whore-house. There's always plenty more where the first came from. This is not to belittle some of the people I've met who I do think are honest, above-board, and worthy of my respect and friendship. It's an attempt to get really green (1st 7-10 days) members to be brave about using the delete button. The best thing is to tell these jerks why you no longer wish to have anything to do with them and then put them on your ignore list if they keep bugging you. But most of them get the message if you just don't respond to them. Another suggestion if you newbies have few or no takers to your 1st post is to repost in 2-4 weeks. Re-write your original post. Edit your profile 1st. Look at some post that generated a lot of traffic and borrow ideas from that. Post the 2nd one at a different time of day. Some posts just get lost in the shuffle because of the time of day you post it. Others generate little interest because they sound the same as a million other ones. Think of something unique to say about yourselves.
There's a nice somebody for each and every one of you out there but sometimes you might have to recast your net.

Back to you, Polaris, I couldn't agree with you more. The other day I told a man that in normal, everyday life I was about as submissive as a grizzly bear. He laughed his ass off at me which probably means he is one of the "good ones"...........a great person to have as a friend even if nothing else ever pans out.

[MacGuffin]

For me at least, someone who feels they have to use those type of insults to get respect and submission doesn't deserve it.

Somehow I have the sneaky suspicion respect is not what they were after!