Quote Originally Posted by fellintobed View Post
I just wanted to respond to this as someone in a very similar position - I love the BDSM, my boyfriend does not.

You say, "She seemed into it in the heat of the moment but has never initiated this type of play since."

So if I understand this, you tied her up and she enjoyed it? That's awesome. I'm not surprised she hasn't initiated - she may have thought of it as a one-time event, or she may be too shy to talk about how much she enjoyed it, and what she would want to do the next time. I've had to learn how to talk about BDSM with my boyfriend because it's not the type of conversation he'd ever had before.

Ask her - and also persuade her with lots of hot vanilla sex just the way she likes it - that just as you love to please her, she (presumably and hopefully) loves to please you, and it would please you greatly to do ____ in the safest and most respectful of ways. Repeat at intervals, interspersed with great sex. Accept that you may not get your more out-there desires met with her as one of the compromises that enter all relationships. Take things slowly - a little self-torment never hurts, and if she's the one for you you'll have the rest of your life to work on this.
fellintobed, thanks for sympathizing! So yeah she was into it in the heat of the moment. And an UPDATE, we busted out the ties again and messed around, it was pretty hot. Tied her hands behind her back, put the vibrator in her panties-turned it on, got her on her knees and she gave some great head. Oh and she got off too.
Here's the twist though, my whole goal is not to make her the submissive, but switch or even make her my mistress ;-] which I think will be harder. But actually when I untied her hands she tied mine up right away and we had some more fun. So we're on course here. If we switch off roles enough I think I will see one side come out more in her and I can pursue that.

Also, fellintobed, I feel for ya. It's hard to have desires your other half doesn't share. Luckily we can keep trying a different approach, trying to make it fun or seen in a different light. You're definitely right on about interspersing with lots of great vanilla sex... always a good time.

DJ: Although I suspect you're right about rape fantasies, my partner has experienced the real deal. This is a reason I am going super slow and being really super careful with the bdsm stuff. So far it hasn't brought any bad memories to the surface and I don't think it will as long as I'm not an idiot. It should definitely be consensual and feel safe and controlled.

J-Go: you're right, easing in is key. And I am excited about opening up more with each other about our fantasies. Especially hearing more about hers, this is something I haven't been able to hear virtually anything about unless there's a bunch of alcohol involved.

littleoneoffire: keep at it! I think finding these forums can be a turning point. I didn't feel like such a freak after coming here, like these are more or less normal things to be into. Maybe if you bring it up casually you'll find that he'd be into it too. Make it a fun game or a playful thing in the bedroom, definitely doesn't need to be as serious as some people make it.