Hmm, not sure I wont to get involved with this discussion, because I most certainly dont care what anyone thinks about my relationship with my husband, (though, they are free to judge all they like).

My husband and I are EXTREMELY close; our views on communication and honesty seem to be pretty close, damyanti - but life, and relationships, are not black and white.

We have agreed on not being monogamous, but we were, for the longest time.

The agreement however was just about sex, I never could have imagined falling in love with someone else or meeting someone who could even begin to measure up to my Husband.

Then, without going into details now (I already touched up on that in my other posts), we had some issues and were spending a lot of time apart, when I met someone else. And I started to fall for that someone.

From the point of where I am today, I find it hard to relate to the mind frame I was in at the time. I liked that other guy, very much. He was fulfilling the need, was in possession of traits my husband doesn't have - and us having problems, made it very easy for me to loose sight of some things.

What I did do differently than most, I went to my Husband, BEFORE I slept with the other guy. He wasn't happy, - saying He granted permission would not be quite right, but He did accept it.

I agonized over doing that to Him, all the time in the begging - but we were spending a lot of time apart, and I was spending a lot of time with the other guy, and its amazing how much easier it gets with time. Its almost as if you go numb to certain "values".

The affair lasted about 9 months, during that time Hubby had sex with other women. Usually when away in US on business. I never asked Him for the details, I don't want to know.

What got us through: He never dominated other women, and other than a rare play spanking I never indulged into bdsm, let alone submit to the other guy. Tristan and I still talked, we still remained partners, a team, in other (intellectual) matters. I was still His wife. And, as rare as that was, when we were together we still had sex, it kept us connected.

But as much as I fancied the other guy, and as high feelings floated in the beginning, as time went on, reality began to set in. We had no future. Cultural differences, family incompatibility, differing tempers - I cared for him, but it wasn't going to work in the long run. I am thankful I had the sense to keep that in sight.

When he started to talk about me "committing" to him, I knew I had to end it. While an odd fleeting thought crossed my mind, I NEVER seriously contemplated divorce. That simply wasn't a choice (my Husband doesn't believe in Church divorce either, its a Catholic thing, I guess, lol). For me, it was knowing, that despite of it all, He is my right life partner; and not being able to walk away from my stepson (who I raised as my own).

We moved past it. But while we were honest, and that meant a lot, and I argued your points in my defense at the time, and to other people and its how we were able to make peace with it, there is no guilt or resentment...

But let me confess something here - it WAS cheating. We stayed loyal, we stayed honest, we "preserved" - but it was still a BETRAYAL.

Its not an easy matter of right or wrong. I am not sorry for the time I spent with that man. I am sorry for causing hurt to Tristan. I am glad for knowing, that now we can survive anything, that we are forever and that he is forever my choice. The experience brought us so close, its hard to describe. I now know He will never leave me and in a way it helped me to trust Him completely and to submit fully, without reserve, without holding back. So yes, being honest does help in preserving trust - but it isn't a permission that its all right to do it.

For us, that is now in the past. We never said it specifically, but (while an odd sex fling might be tolerated, its unlikely either of us will indulge in it ever, and certainly not anytime soon) monogamy is now implied.