I cant answer for others. I can tell you what happened with us.

What Tristan did, yes, that was just sex. I know who he did it with, and I like those women. He treated them well, but in the end He only has one wife and sub and they knew where they stood with Him. To be fair, He only did it, because I wasn't there.

With me, it wasn't about sex. Tristan and I argued a lot about where to live, we had differing points on where to go on with our lives, He placed His career first, though He promised to scale back. He is older than me, we had been through some tough shit, and when things calmed down, I was feeling stifled, insecure, my life wasn't what it was supposed to be...

So I met this man. Physically, unlike my Husband, my type. Incredibly witty, wonderful self deprecating sense of humor - wheres Tristan has none. He does the ton of charity work, not just money, but time, Tristan sends a check or two to an organization or two a year. All of that appealed to me very much. He was softer, more open, kinder, gentler, - and most importantly, with him I didn't have to deal with the problems I faced with Tristan, he was safe and interesting.

A lot of it also has to do with variety, doesn't mean you don't love or want to replace what you have. And it flattered me, to have such a man as conquest. So I fancied myself in love. But when the novelty wears off, you realize (at least I have) that there is only one person I can live with.

That there is only one man who can handle me, completely. Only one man to whom I belong to. Only one who owns me. Only one I love TRULY.

Yes, Tristan is quiet and has no sense of humor - but I LOVE that about Him, it complements my nature, it soothes me. No one is so attentive, so irreverent of me as Him. He is smart. He is strong. He may not show His emotions as openly as others, but I love being the only one to whom He confides. I LOVE my Husband. He is perfect for me. But we are all humans, we get caught up in situations - but we learn from them. Haven't you ever been depressed, in that dark place- where you know its wrong, but you want something so much you go crazy from desperation? Thats the best way I can put it.

As for serial philanderers who lie and live a double life, I have no idea.