dominant appeal

[jeanne]

[B]What attracts you to dom/mes? Or what attracted you to your Dom/me?[B]

This is going to sound strange...it isn't how they look, it's how I feel around them. I feel particularly alive. When I met the one I choose to obey, I remember feeling super-awake, super-aware, nervous...but somewhere deep inside - relaxed. My submissive self knew.

I read yesterday, in a girl mag, interpretation of submissive fantasies/inclinations and that it means one suffers from insecurity. I found it insulting and I tend to disagree, but I could be in denial. What do you think of their theory?

im going to go against the grain here and probably have all the subs jump on me but i think she's partially correct, i dont think it means all subs suffer from insecurity particularly men, BUT i do think that many have or have had at some point in their lives a lot of insecurities, self doubts etc even those (including myself more recently) who happily and honestly declare they're independant can stand up for themselves are not doormats and so on.
just take a careful look at 70% of the posts and threads around here and read many of the girl subs storys historys descriptions of their personality traits experiences (unfortunately all too often bad traumatic ones) and how to use most peoples words have grown to become stronger, more independant, have been given more self-esteem, learned to be positive about themselves,( i could cite much much more) in their 'journey of submission'

Absolutely. It seems to be very prevalent.

i think many (and most ive ever spoken to or met certainly) do start out with insecurities and lack of self-worth to some degree or other and are looking unconciously perhaps for some-one to give/teach them how to truly be and respect themselves and only some-one with enough control, strength of character and patience to keep on re-enforcing that and it tends to be people of a more Dominant character who has that self-discipline patience and desire to do so.
i am NOT saying anyone is a doormat or weak or that it's what is or makes some-one naturally submissive or gives them those fantasies but i do think that it can be a contributing factor.

Agreed. And I think that sometimes, when we say "I'm not a doormat, I'm not weak, I'm have great self-esteem"...the one we are most trying to convince is ourselves. And a relationship with a Dom can help us figure out what we need to feel good about ourselves deep inside. Here's an example from my own 'journey'...

As I grew up I was too tall, too gawky, too skinny, too shy. As an adult over a period of years I resolved many of these issues to some degree. Became glad I'm not short - hey, I can see over crowds and reach things on high shelves and lord knows I can't tell you how many short men have looked up at me and said "I love tall women"... Became glad that I don't have to watch every morsel I put in my mouth, outgrew my shyness (mostly) and became comfortable around people. But, I was still 'closed up'. Still had a deep-seated insecurity that I denied existed. It led me to stay in a marriage that wasn't very satisfying emotionally. Then I finally acknowledged and accepted my submission as part of how I'm made. And I met Him. What did I need? I needed to feel completely accepted - which I learned because He did. I needed to hear once in a while "You're beautiful" - which I learned because He said it and believed it. And I realized that I didn't have to live in an emotional desert. I learned that relationships weren't something to 'deal with'. I learned that I deserved more. So yes, my submission led me to some important realizations about myself and how I want to live my life.

how many of us occasionaly or even often say we need, need not want some form of recognition for pleasing? again just sift through thousands and thousands of the posts in these forums.
whether that be in the form of being called a good girl, a pat on the head, a 'reward' having the acknowledgement of something pleasing or good we have done or our actions,the manner in which we do/accept things etc?
isnt that partly to do with wanting/needing some form of re-enforcement and re-enforcement is all about reassuring us we have done good have done something worthwhile etc? would anyone want or need that if they wernt feeling a little unsure deep down as to whether we've done 'good' wouldnt people who dont want and need that feel a bit patronised otherwise? any vanilla person ive ever known would go spare if they were to be treat that way!
i guess in a way thats partly the reason im attracted to in Dominant men.

Exactly. Some would find it patronising. I know it shocked me how much satisfaction I feel from hearing that 'good girl' from Him. It was, the first time it happened, an epiphany. But, it simply reinforced for me the simple fact that I am submissive. God made me this way. And however strong my self-esteem is, however good I feel about who I am on a daily basis, I feel most 'me' and most comfortable in my skin at His feet. Period. And that is the gift of self-knowledge and acceptance...and I think that ultimately, that's what we all want and need. An integration of sorts between the pieces of ourselves.

I am a woman, a mother, a friend, a child of God, an engineer, a student, a human being, an employee, a daughter, a co-worker...all of those things at different points in time. I am also a submissive. And to tell the truth, my own acceptance of that fact, and the opportunity to express my submission in a healthy, satisfying way, has made all those other roles I fill feel...better. I'm beginning to feel 'whole', rather than scattered.

phew! rambling over! but there just my thoughts *ducks ready for the attack*

Ditto!

Okay, maybe I'll join you ducking behind the sofa.