Originally Posted by damyanti
Oh and this part cracked me out, there was a question from a female reader "my boyfriends spanks my butt when we have sex, does that mean he wants me to hit him during sex?" And if that wasn't enough of a riot, in answer the esteemed expert proceeds to give advice about how to spank him during sex the next time and to watch out if he likes it, lol.

OFFTOPIC - The "does it mean" reminds me of an amusing rl incident. A friend and myself were "sharing" a foreign gal. I could speak her language, he could not. While he was on top of her doing the business, I told her (in her language) to spank him hard because it turned him on. She did, he screeched and I kept telling her harder harder - his screeches were screams of pleasure. Next day he told me his ass was red raw and said what a kinky gal she was because she loved spanking him. I just smiled and agreed "yep she was a kinky pervert, no doubt about that".

ONTOPIC - I am fairly sure there must be a pyschological cause and need that is being satisfied by being dominant or submissive. But there will always be a hot debate on what it is because people have a natural tendency to view some traits (eg insecurity) as character flaws. Often a word change or looking at it from a different angle can make a difference. Insecurity could be be seen as a desire for security and protection (a normal emotion). Many subs may agree they like the feeling of being protected. The power of words....You haven't been fired just downsized !