I am with Oz on this - faking it is a bad precedent to set and it does not allow the man to learn how to do it properly. I can understand the reasons for doing it but the short term goals (of rewarding effort, stopping him from poking around in the wrong places and possibly making you feel uncomfortable) are far outweighed by the long term reward of training him to do it properly. That old bugbear of communication comes into it once again. You really need to talk to him and tell him where and what to put his fingers and tongue. And if he is not using his fingers or tongue then tell him to do so because it is one of the easiest ways to achieve an orgasm.

I've said it before on these forums - every woman is different and that includes the things she finds arousing. In any relationship, no matter how many previous relationships you have had, there is always going to be a period where you have to adjust your technique to suit the new person. Trial and error is the only way to do this and sometimes you get it right straight away. Other times you can fumble about for years and not achieve anything other than making her go dry and irritable. It helps us a great deal and is not a slight on our fragile male egos if women tell us what we are doing right and what we are doing wrong.

Of course, I am not sure how this would work in a BDSM relationship when you may be gagged when he is doing his fumbling...