Thanks so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. I have read Flesh Seraph's excellent treatise, but most of it is too hard-core for me or for my partner. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be rocked to the core of his being, just to hear some erotically charged denigrating language. I'm frustrated because a lot of the language that falls into that category for women is what you might consider "hypersexualizing" - slut, whore, cunt, etc. - and it can be humilating but also sexually empowering to hear or utter those words. What I'm not finding is parallel language for men, because of course in our society it is not humiliating to hypersexualize men.

I agree with you that desexualizing language can be very humiliating directed at a man. I guess I had shied away from that because it seems so, you know, rude. I am totally not cut out for this - but I'm going to put on my boots and give it a try anyway. Thanks again for your help.