I just wanted to say how cool I think this thread is, how brave the people who shared the things that have happened to them, how supportive the responses & suggestions & help that has been offered. It really shows the sense of community in this group & I'm glad to have joined you.

For me, personally, I cannot claim to be a victim of the situation I found myself in many years ago as a very young, very foolish & very naive girl. Rather, I was complicit in what happened to me because I could have stopped it but I didn't. I was in college when I fell madly in love with one of my martial arts instructors - eventually dropping out of school, cutting off all contact with my family & most friends after we got engaged & began living together. Which is when, surprise, it all changed & the abuse began - emotional, physical & sexual.

And I did nothing to stop it. Even when held up by the throat a foot off the ground so he could look me in the eye as he banged the back of my head into the wall, I did nothing. I, the person who stood as protector to others, didn't defend myself. Even though I knew many ways to break his hold, to free myself & counterattack, I couldn't bring myself to strike someone I loved. Of that stain, at least, my honor is clean.

I do, of course, recognize that his actions were his own and that they were not caused by anything I may have done or said. I hold no guilt for the choices he freely made, despicable as they were. But I am responsible for my own decisions, and by choosing not to stop him from hurting me, I contributed to that environment & to the subsequent acts that occurred until it ended.

I realize that my story is different than most & I have the utmost respect for all involved this discussion, especially those that have come forth to share their experiences.

Kat