Quote Originally Posted by bambina View Post
...Or are they just fun? I think there was a thread about this already but I can't find it. So sorry for re-posting.

But I was just wondering if people actually got super excited by BDSM or if it's just fun. If men and women can really cum just by being tied up...or if it's just a fun activity to do before or during sex. I've actually never asked this question. No one has said whether or not it's fun or if it drives them bananas. Sure everyone here might enjoy some things. But is it truly a turn on or just something kinky to do before the main event?

I'm not talking about fetishes that directly stimulate sexual organs (like breasts, crotches, etc...). I'm talking about fetishes that are just fetishes and do not provide direct stimulation. Some guys like to walk about in women's clothes. But do people actually cum from that? Some women like to be spanked. But do spankings make them have an orgasm?

"Oh my god. Oh yes this latex is so hot. Soooo hot. Oh yeah I'm going to cum. I'm gonna cum!"

The reason I ask is because, I see fetish acts like spanking and bondage and dressing up as fun things that are separate from sex. I'm not turned on or wet. I'm just having fun dressing up like a little girl for a guy. Does that mean that I don't have true fetishes and that I don't belong in this lifestyle just because I'm not turned on by sadistic things?
Maybe not the fetish of dressing up but there must be something about the whole situation that turns you on hun.. Maybe it is the control or being told what to do and trying to please that person .. Do you get wet from that???

This is a few good questions hun .. and i feel yes some people can get off from the fear.. the humiliation as well as other things that they may be into...just as some have said in here..

I also know the smell or taste of leather drives me insane.. the feel near brings me to orgasim when threatened with it.. not only because it is leather .. but because of the fear of what pain i may go through from it .. It turns me into a total ball of melt down .. Tighing up has the same effect especially when i am tied so tight there is no way out...

Then there is the subject of pain.. that i can cum from without any sexual stimulation at all...

I wrote a post a while back that i am going to quote as well give you a link .. In the link you will find the post and replies to what i said if you are interested.

But what it boils down to is what we call Sub Space.. and well Endorphin Rushes...

I hope it answers your questions as well gives you a reason why people such as myself get off without stimulation at all..

But before i do i want to add.. this is not an act nor a game for me .. This is my lifestyle that i chose to live and have now for over 25yrs..

Here is the link and the quote...

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=13986

HI gloomy bunny.. it is a good question.. and i often wondered it myself a long time ago..

It is hard to push your tolerance level but i find it as a want or need now...

Some ways that may help is to find the spot in your head that you can lose yourself .. a place that most are afraid to go.. to totally relax and not tense up.. to let your body float with the pain.. and not fight it.. to let it build inside you.. thinking of how you want to please your Sir.. putting your mind into a thought away from the pain or sometimes even music will help...

But i also feel it has to be the Doms responsibility to get you there in the right way as well..

Working you up slowly softly with a proper length warm up helps as well.. If he goes to fast and your mind and body can't keep up you will feel the pain and not enjoy it but resist from it... It has to be paced properly.. and that is your Dom's responsibility to figure out your pace and how fast you can go to accept it...

I find communication for this is very helpful.. Using the terms green yellow red and a safe word helps the Dom to know where you are at..

green-being go a bit harder
yellow-meaning ok stay here let me catch up
red-being move somewhere else or slow right down as it got ahead of you..

and of course always have a safe word for Stop

If you can get past the pain.. there is a place you will find.. It is called sub space.. Once you have made it there you will find it is somewhere you never want to leave..

It is the place where the natural chemical to fight off the pain lies.. They are called endorphins..

-WHAT ARE ENDORPHINS? ("en-DOR-fins")
"Endorphin" is Greek for "the morphine within", describing pain-relief chemicals produced naturally in the body. The central nervous system is equipped with specific receptor sites for morphine-like substances that attach to receptors to help relay "stop-pain" messages.

To put it bluntly.. it is a total body high.. without using drugs or alcohol.. It is a high created by your own chemicals.. and a place you will want to go back to time and time again if you can find it properly...

I know i went almost 5 yrs without it .. and to go without is like an addiction.. it is very hard to forget and not want...

I have left some other places to find out about subspace below..

But i also want you to take note of what happens 36 hours to 4-5 days after a sub hits subspace.. that most don't know about ...

It is called The sub drop...

I will take a part that explains this from this link {remember to read this whole link if you are interested}

Code:
http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/Scening.htm
sub drop: "Always, always keep in mind that with the raising of endorphins comes the falling of endorphins. By that I mean sub drop. Sub drop is the term used for, when the endorphin levels drop down past normal. The Dominant must be there for this. It often happens between 36hrs, and up to, 4 or 5 days after the scene. (depending on the submissive).

In sub drop the submissive feels insecure, wishy washy. Her emotions are all over the place. She might feel cold, then hot, then cold again. Her body might tremble and shake. All of which depend on how deep into subspace the submissive went. The deeper the subspace, the harder the sub drop.

Chocolate helps with sub drop, it raises the endorphin levels. Make sure there's water on hand, as well as a blanket. Blanket around a submissive's shoulders held tight along with the arms of her Dominant, can make her feel secure again. A warm shower to help with the chills often helps as well."


Here are also some other references to endorphins and breaking in a sub to pain:


Code:
http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/Breaking-sub-extreme-play.htm
This one is a bdsm dictionary as well .. Very smart to keep handy


Code:
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/dictionary/Endorphin/
i hope at least some of this has helped hun... i know it can be frustrating .. and yes the others are right .. sometimes people just are not into it...

Just my opinion

hugs
snow
Some of this is going a bit off topic.. but i truly feel that to understand you need to not just hear someone say yes i do ..you need to understand the why i do..

Just my opinion

hugs
snow