Quote Originally Posted by rachel06 View Post
So here's what I'm afraid of, and I've been trying for a long time to figure out how to ask about it - If you really like to please another person, how can you tell what YOU want, and not what you want to want because it would please him? How can you tell what's pushing limits and expanding horizons, and what's a sick willingness to go along with anything?
I don't know how I missed this one, rachel.

I'm trying to work this out now not with a new partner but with a long standing one. I had noticed a while back that it didn't really matter what form my submission took; as long as it pleased him it made me happy to submit. What this means in practice is that you give up, or put to the side practices you'd prefer in favour of the ones you get. My Dom isn't hugely into bondage or going down on me - but he prolongs orgasm which is delicious torture. He loves his cane far more than I love it but I have truly learned to find ways to give him that difficult gift that pleases him so much and satisfies my yearning to submit to his pleasure.

However, lately a new element has crept into our relationship. I don't want to go into explicit detail but it's a mind fuck of sorts. I hate it. I object to it. I can't fully consent to it. This is the crux. It is affecting my ability and willingness in all other areas to submit to him. I just can't find that surrender like I used to that is so necessary to give yourself over completely to another with joy, even the joy of enduring difficult tasks and hard pain for the pleasure of another.

I am trying to work it out but I can't submit under these circumstances. So, I guess you'll know - when you lose your joy in submitting, what you are doing is wrong for you. I only hope I can make my Master, wonderful in all other ways, see this.