well that's not quite what I was looking for....

If it was that simple, I would break it off, and enjoy my time in france. Do some wonderful new things... enjoy myself.

But my bf is more than that. I do love him. And perhaps 'dormant' isn't exactly the right term. I still enjoyed kink, and it certainly didn't help that I've been busy. Some of my lack of interest was certainly my fault.

I just find it utterly confusing that my interest came to life so vividly, not just in general (in which case it wouldn't bother me- I have been celibate for the last couple months) but targeted as it hasn't really been before. With no real instigation on the target's part.

I can't really explain the true crux of the matter, as my words fail me. I just rest ridiculously confused. And eager. I've actually been wondering about ways of accommodating these issues. But nothing quite cuts it. I keep wondering if he'll put forth a bit more interest if I just pushed the issue more. Or if I could "settle" for a female dom, if it meant i could have some D/s and keep him (he's willing to share me with a woman, but I've always equated dom with male) And even if that worked, would it be enough? I don't know. And I don't like not knowing.

-sigh- If i could just stay in France and not have to face this problem ever... ha... life would be good