Mr. TomCat, since you chose to post on here I assume you want input. I'm sorry if it's not the input you want. I understand your sentiments, but would understand them better if the timeframe were different. It sounds like you two were back together for a few weeks at most before she told you that the past was weighing on her. For some reason, you view this as a tremendous inconsistency such that her staying with you for those few weeks seems like a betrayal, that she kept this big secret. But lots of times people don't know all of how they feel RIGHT NOW, let alone how they're going to feel in the future. Clearly she has feelings for you that were enough for her to want to try again, but then she got additional information. Maybe that information was just about herself and her feelings, or maybe she felt the relationship settling into its old habits and she wondered, if nothing else has changed, I wonder if he's really changed? Or maybe, not to hurt your feelings, she sensed a certain - trivialization - of what happened on your part. Clearly this encounter with another woman didn't mean very much to you, but it means a lot to her, and you don't seem to be very empathic to that. At all.

So I would suggest a few things, and they might be hard for a domly soul to hear. First, you need to realize, for real, the enormity of what you did. The encounter might have meant nothing to you, but it had a tremendous impact on your partner and your relationship, so, it's important. And, having realized that, you need to be very empathic to her hurt and mistrust. When she mistrusts you now, SHE'S not doing something to YOU. Really. You did something to her, remember? Finally, you need to realize that she can't get over that just because you tell her to, or even because she tells herself to. She can say that she forgives you and trusts you, but far into the future there might well be reverbrations that you just have to put up with.

TommieCat, you chose to post on here also, so here goes. Whether you get back together is your choice. Asking other people for advice is just silly - why don't you take a poll and just go with the popular vote? And you're lucky, because it is entirely your choice - TomCat is waiting for you. If you choose to walk away, it's not a mistake. But if you choose to stay, you need to be responsible for understanding how you feel and for managing it. Trusting someone, and loving someone, really can involve a conscious choice, so if you decide now to trust him, you need to be willing to resist those times in the future when you will feel paranoid about this. And if you decide to love him, you need to resist those times in the future when you will feel angry about this. It doesn't mean not to feel those ways, but not to magnifiy the feelings and not to act on them. If you can share them in a non-confrontational, non-accusing way, then maybe you can both find the triggers and avoid them. But if you do get back together, then don't be impulsive in the future. You can't break up every time you have a bad day. "Measure twice, cut once."

I'm retreating back to the top of my mountain now. Others who seek advice, feel free to climb up and ask. The air's great up here.