Oh very well done! I think it is great you could see repitition and where it needed to change. It is easy to write a piece, and not focus on points like that. I also liked your reasoning for the changes, they made sense and were not out of line. It shows you have a good eye for editing and making positive changes.


Now, this is where I really get to see your work! You are to base your next assignment on the piece of writing you picked above, but you are going to give me a piece of writing that is your own. You can write from the point of view of anyone in the piece above, give me a background or even a future view. Feel free to create new characters and settings. Be creative and show me what you have!

I look forward to seeing what you come up with.

Aussiegirl