I don't have any words of wisdom. I only have my own experience, very much like yours in the details of home life (but without the 'okay' from my husband). I was not seeking. Was not interested, simply wanted to learn more about myself and hopefully find the key to turn my husband into my Dom and turn our marriage into something I could finally be happy in.

It didn't work. A 'vanilla' meeting with a Dom from here unexpectedly became more and I found my true self.

Fast forward more than a year...after repeated attempts to talk to my non-communicative, there's-nothing-wrong-with-me-and-I-don't-care-if-you-want-more husband...I'm divorcing him. Not to 'be with my Dom forever' but to honor myself and the person I really am.

I wish I could tell you all will be well. It can be - but you will have to let go of your submission completely. Good luck to you. I wish you all the best.