Okay, just quickly... Can I make out with you Ninva?! Awesome advice... (Wow, quite a reaction to a bit of advice.. lol)

My own take on the situation...
Firstly, love2serve, I just want to grab you and hug you like crazy. What a terrible situation you have ended up in!

My mother was in a similar, yet vanilla, circumstance. She had 3 kids and had been married for 19 years. Unfortunately, she never fulfilled her fantasy.

I guess, I want to tell you what I wished I had told my mother before she died. Do what makes you happy. Don't do it for anyone else, do it for YOU. Because the only way you can be there and care for those around you is if you are happy. And not only that, but fuck, you DESERVE to be happy.

I get the feeling from your posts that you live to make others happy... Your husband, your children... And often, in all of this, you forget that you exist too, you deserve to be happy too.

Don't stay in your relationship if it is not right, if it is not what you are looking for. Please, please, be true to yourself, and take the path that will lead you to the most happiness.