Quote Originally Posted by rachel06 View Post
Sometimes people aren't assholes (that's how we spell it on this side of the pond, Pearlgem). Sometimes they're just confused, or they think the relationship is right for them and then they get additional information, just like in the vanilla world. I think it's a mistake to believe that because someone is a Dom, and assumes SOME responsibilty for your experience, and you've given him SOME power in a power exchange, that he now has responsibility for things that no one can assume responsibility for. This includes, sadly enough, your emotional well-being.

Of course, in committed loving relationships both parties assume responsibility for the other's emotional well-being, but I don't think that happens any faster, or any deeper, or any more reliably in a D/s relationship than it would in a vanilla one. I see some subs rushing to give away, not just power, but their hearts as well, and I worry for them. I worry for myself, of course, too, and I don't mean to lecture, but it's maybe good to be aware of these possibilities.
I agree, rachel, that not all arseholes (that's how it's spelt properly) absolutely mean to be. They might just be ignorant or unsure or simply be biting off more than they know. Still, if you give the impression that you're experienced loving, strict, knowledgeable, etc etc, as many on here do, is that self delusion, wilful delusion, criminal delusion? Can a careful sub spot the signs?

(But I absolutely take your point, and Amber's too, that sometimes subs are just too willing to hand everything over to Doms who can't take the responsibility, and that's partly their fault. Still, there are real genuine arseholes out there who self servingly flaunt their Dom status and trifle with subs. How to spot them?)