You know what the best way to figure it out is? ASK AROUND. I know that sounds silly, but trust me, there are people here who have been around long enough to know just about everyone or something about everyone. They are great sources of information, and might just give you that "gut check" you need. Also, if you ask around & no one knows anything about your person, it's probably something to take note of as well--it isn't a bad thing persay, just that this isn't where they make their home.

Subs have equal responsibility as Dominants to find the right partner. Why? Because searching for a partner has nothing to do with power exchange, nor does it have to do with submission--it's finding what's right for you. When you *do* find that person, you will know it--you will connect, you will just "feel right." If you don't get that, then move on-- it isn't the right match.

People stay FAR FAR too long in relationships that aren't working, because they have this fear of leaving their partner--whether it's fear of lonliness, fear of losing status, fear of losing the respect/commeraderie that having a partner brings... but I'll tell you what-- I personally have a lot more respect for those who take the leap & leave their partner if it isn't working. [Now, I am not saying vanilla marriage-type of situations--I am talking about the o/l situation.]

I can't explain the amount of name changes I do for folks. I call them "velcro collars" because 9x out of 10, they get removed after about a week or two, when the "fantasy" wears off, and the people realize that eh, they enjoy hanging out & playing around together, but that's all there really is to it.

I think it all begins with exploring what YOU really want out of a relationship. Be honest with yourself: how much time do you have to dedicate to it? are you willing to move from o/l to r/l? are you willing to divulge private details of your life? are you willing to trust? These aren't easy questions, and they take a lot of time to really think through, but the process is well worth it. You will find yourself more assertive & able to know what you are looking for, so that you can communicate that need to any potential partners. It isn't *wrong* to be looking for just play or looking for just a casual thing--but be honest with yourself & your partner!

Being a strong submissive has nothing to do with bowing to every Dominant you see. It has EVERYTHING to do with respecting yourself as well as others--have enough self-respect to take the time you need to really think through the relationship & your needs/wants.

Submissives like to play the role of the "victim" in breakups... but I will tell you what-- most of the time it's 50-50-- as they say, it takes "two to tango." I am not saying that sometimes there aren't cases where the Dominant is at fault--but there are JUST as many cases where, had the submissive had really done the "leg work" before diving into the deep end head-first, they would have found that it wasn't the right relationship for them.

Cynical? I don't think so... I've been on these boards longer then about 95% of the folks here (don't post back to tell me you've been here longer--I can tell in your user info lmao and I honestly just don't care that much). My point is that I have seen just about everything. And so I speak from that "experience" when I say-- GO SLOWLY. RELAX. TAKE YOUR TIME. It will pay dividends in the long run.

As for specific people here being "bad"... I think it's all in the eye of the beholder, no? There's someone out there for everyone, and everyone has someone out there--we just don't always look at it from that perspective.