Okay, I don't where to post this, either, so here goes:

Overall, good; *can* be polished to publication quality. First, constantly shifting POV is killing me. Entire beginning is info dump; if you MUST info dump, then create an Introduction to WTF's World instead. You used Thirteen's nickname before he got it, but after House MD's writers, so it needs to be changed. I only read a little, but I like it. I will read it when I have time.

More to MY point: I am practicing copy editing so that I can impress Mike Weaver at TOR. If you are thinking of doing any work for publication, please keep me in mind. I am very good with the technicalities of writing, but I am just learning the imperatives of "the front of the house". The buggers just killed my first edit for having too many POV's (6), too much fluff (in fluff, female-brain vampire erotica), and too little focus. The story, from my "reader" pov, was great, but not right for the "front of the house."

If you want more, ask for my email. I'll need track changes to do this right.