Some of these things are ones Ive asked already (in my own way) and some are things I wouldn't feel comfortable asking until I got to know them a bit better.

I have to agree with Rachel, I'm not even sure I could ever come up with a tactful way to ask if they had raped someone.

Either way I appreciate all of the feedback and I hope this will help some other newbies as well.

(going off topic here a bit) I wouldn't understand a rapist participating on this type of forum, not saying they wont, or even dont, it just doesn't make sense to me. Why would you force yourself on someone who gets off on it? Rape is about power and making the other person give up that power. Isn't that (kind of) why we are here?