when vanilla people try to talk about kink

[damyanti]

I told two of my best friends and they were cool with it. And I would never tell my family, but that's just because my sex life (no matter what kind) is simply none of their business.

But what I really wanted to ask is...does anyone else ever gets exasperated and angry with this whole need for secrecy? I mean it is not like I want to tell all and sundry, and this isn't all I am, but it is a very big part of me, (as every knowledge and experience does) it effects my thoughts on a great number of things...but when asked "why", I am not able to express them fully and honestly, because having the conversation.....

[DowntownAmber]

But what I really wanted to ask is...does anyone else ever gets exasperated and angry with this whole need for secrecy? I mean it is not like I want to tell all and sundry, and this isn't all I am, but it is a very big part of me, (as every knowledge and experience does) it effects my thoughts on a great number of things...but when asked "why", I am not able to express them fully and honestly, because having the conversation.....

Our sexual preferences (whether they be vanilla or BDSM or anywhere else on the gettin'-it-on-spectrum) both reflect and motivate a lot of our thoughts and actions. In my case, I don't really think a lot of people need to know anything about my sex life, even the vanilla bits. On the other hand, if you're the type of person I am close enough with to discuss sex to begin with, or if you're safely on the other side of a computer screen, I don't see a ton of reason to hide away the kinky parts. That being the case, it's difficult for me to say I get "exasperated" or "angry" over the privacies I keep or don't.

Frankly, I consider myself one of the lucky folks when it comes to being able to share or explore the serious, curious, or interesting parts of my sexuality - Lifestyle folks tend to like to talk and share and have communities like this one and munches in r/l devoted to doing so. We know this Lifestyle requires people to be informed to be safe and happy, so we network amongst ourselves really well. We ask a lot of questions, we delve into our sexuality a lot deeper than most.

Not a lot of my vanilla friends have such an array of resources and aren't nearly as comfortable when it comes to discussing what makes them sexually tick. THAT would make me exasperated and angry a lot faster...