Just confused...

[DowntownAmber]

Couple things that jump out at me, and a couple questions...

There has been no formal arrangement made - I am still married and not looking for another relationship...

Sounds like you're already in one. Maybe not formally, but cam sessions of a BDSM nature on top of a good friendship do hint at something above and beyond casual. That's fine as she is poly and apparently you are too, but it might be time to clarify if you're "just confused."

Am I reading too much into this? Is there something I should do about it? If I talked to her, am I likely to scare her away and ruin the friendship?

Goodness, what are you planning on saying or doing that's going to scare her so bad? This is a woman that is open enough to session with you, but talking abou it is going to make things weird?

I suppose it is the age-old dilemma but with a BDSM twist... which is more important - the BDSM or the friendship? Or is is possible to have both?

I personally won't have the BDSM unless there's both - no reason why it can't happen, I would say. In fact, it looks like it already has.