the very first time i separated fantasy from reality was the first time i felt the belt on my back. and the second time, and the third time. the pain was unbelievable, shockingly stinging; i remember i shouted out the first time it contacted my back, more because of the shock that i just mentioned rather than the pain--but i kid you not, the pain was something unimaginable. did i like it any less? heck no, it was amazing--but it was the first time i saw the difference between the two.
the second was a non-consensual incident i happened to live through. what made me feel horrible about it wasn't, in the most part, the humiliation of it nor the pain nor the violation. it was the fact that i had masturbated [and came] for years fantasising about forced encounters and what not. I didn't blame myself for anything, no, i took it much better than expected, but it was another time when my brain highlighted the difference between fantasy and reality.
lastly, because i feel like i've gotten a tad off topic here and excuse me if that's the case, when it comes to my submission my mind tries to make me believe it's not who i am, it's solely a small part of me. well it isn't. it's more than i'd like to accept, certainly more than i'd like to admit, but i saw that the more you plunge into it and live what you call 24/7 the reality will jump out soon enough. some things are just so utopic when we have them in our heads that when we actually live them out certain things come to the surface. Don't get me wrong, i'm like you, i crave to belong to somebody and call him my Master, but i'm looking for that One knowing that the reality will be a lot different than what i'm imagining it to be.
*steps back* does that even make sense?