personal space

[cambr1dge]

So, I'm curious before I give this prospective Dom the thumbs up or down - was it clear that you were putting the brakes on or could it have been mistaken for sterotypical D/s flirting? Doms want to come off as Domly, after all, and this could be what he assumed you expected. First date and all.

I think that it was obvious that I was uncomfortable, but I'm not sure. We actually talked about barriers and personal space and I told him I was uncomfortable and his reply was something along the lines of "i'm going to walk through any barrier you put up". At that point I got rather skiddish and he could tell. But he continued to persist.

[lozzy]

I'm sorry to say this, and I hate to make such a snap and harsh decision on someone I've never met, but a reply like that makes him sound rather callous.

On the other hand - maybe he felt like there was already some sort of trust level already there what with the mutual friend...

But in my opinion, if you don't want to answer something on a first date, vanilla or otherwise, then you damnwell shouldn't. It is entirely up to *you* and only you what and who you answer to, and a first date is *never* the appropriate time to be 'breaking barriers'.

[cambr1dge]

What do Dom/me's do as far as barriers and personal space is concerned on a first meeting/date? I would love to hear some different approaches.

[DowntownAmber]

I think that it was obvious that I was uncomfortable, but I'm not sure. We actually talked about barriers and personal space and I told him I was uncomfortable and his reply was something along the lines of "i'm going to walk through any barrier you put up". At that point I got rather skiddish and he could tell. But he continued to persist.

Hmmm. Y'know, I may have been okay with that answer had he added, "I'm going to walk through any barrier you put up eventually." My advice then would have been along the lines of, "give him another chance, even Doms sometimes come off a little strong on a first date." There are a few red flags here, however. Not to the point where I would tell you to can the relationship completely or anything, but set your sights on "just friends" first and leave it at that for awhile. Let him know why, and if he's not cool with that, his loss.

He may very well take a deeper level of intimacy for granted based on your mutual friend (where he knows more about you than you think already, or assumes you know more about him than you do), but he's pursuing a relationship with you, not the three of you so it's a moot point in the end.

Continue to make yourself clear, and proceed with caution!