I guess that is up to the couple. "abuse" is a label. there are things that I might view as abusive and others wouldn't. How many times have we heard a sub say spanking isn't punishment, because they like it too much?
funny though, I am really against spanking you kids..... it really pisses me off to see parents spanking their kids or verbally abusing them.

Now having said that, I feel "abusive" about using verbal humiliation. I really can't do it. I"m a southern boy- politeness is bred into my bones.

extreme? what does that really mean?
I really have to agree with you- it is up to the persons involved. then again, it is possible to get someone who wants to please you to do things they wouldn't normally do.....