Some people need to feel a certain undercurrent of D/s 24/7 in their relationship, others are only excited by physical stimulation i.e. "kinky sex" and like to keep it only in the bedroom. Both are perfectly fine and welcome here! Relax, explore, be open...and find what works for you.

As for finding someone in your area? You can try Personals here, we have a thread that lists BDSM events so maybe you should check that to see if there is something that you can attend, try finding your local dungeons or munches...