Non-SSC experiences?

[leo9]

what have you done that in retrospect was Not SSC?
what do you wish you had done instead?

Getting back to the original question:

There was a sub I'd played with a couple of times, and it had gone great. For various reasons I saw an opportunity to do a kidnapping scene she had mentioned as a pet fantasy, which sounded great to me. So I duly kidnapped her at knife point (switching the sharp blade I showed her for a butter knife to press to her throat), dragged her home in cuffs, and spent a blissful day torturing her into submission and enjoying her abject slavery. Everything seemed to indicate that she had enjoyed it just as much.

Except that the next time she phoned me, she told me I had gone way too far and abused her irresponsibly. Um, but, you had a safeword, right? We did talk about it before, right? Well, yes, she allowed, but I forgot I had it!

So... Consensual or not? Damned if I know. I've had other subs who lost it in the middle of a scene, and I've known before they safeworded that it wasn't working for them; but I didn't get any bad vibes from her at the time. Weirdly, she said that she hadn't been sure if she had been abused, so she asked a friend, who said it sounded like it... How do you need to be told if you've been abused?

So that's my non-consensual story. Or not. You guess.

[angela_shy]

...she phoned me, she told me I had gone way too far and abused her irresponsibly. Um, but, you had a safeword, right? We did talk about it before, right? Well, yes, she allowed, but I forgot I had it!
...she said that she hadn't been sure if she had been abused, so she asked a friend, who said it sounded like it... How do you need to be told if you've been abused?

this sounds like she consented, but had trouble coming to terms with what she had consented to, unless you just weren't reading her properly, which probably depends how well you knew her (played a couple of times... ).

i guess one approach is to work up to scenes like this gradually... either with lots and lots of discussion, or a good number of tamer real life scenes... that way, the Dom gets to know the sub's reactions, and the sub gradually adjusts to significant elements.

just guessing here, but maybe the non-SSC element was rushing into something ambitious...?