*takes a deep breath* Hi everyone, and let me add my thanks to denuseri for starting it and all the incredibly brave people who have posted their own stories here. It was my (Almost) Master who pointed me to this thread, and particularly said that in many ways, moco's post above could have been my own.

i was abused from when i was 8 to when i was 9 by the man who came to our house regularly to clean the windows. Such a cliché and one that it is difficult for me to say for some reason. But ... i don't have many memories of what happened. i know he taught me how to give him oral sex, i know there were times when i was on my bed with my underwear around my ankles, but i was so disconnected from my body that i do not know what he did or didn't do.

The consequences emerged when i went away to college, when i became anorexic, then bulimic, and started self-injuring. i've also had many years of therapy, and am at a much better place in my life now, even getting ready to work as a counselor myself. But i do still question how much, if any, of my submissive desires that have been so strong in me for as long as i can remember, are linked to this. Did that make me somehow an easier 'target' for this predator? Or did he ingrain in me more deeply still that i am to do just what i am told?

i don't know if i'll ever have answers to these questions ... but i wanted to acknowledge my own experience here, and say that i look forward to connecting more with such an amazing, strong, surviving community.