Getting old

[Demon Dom]

I had an interesing discussion with an old (no pun intended) sub friend of mine about how people in M/s relationships consider the subject of 'ageing' and how it has either affected their relationship or how they perceive it is likely to affect their relationships as they get older.

She came to me worried because her physical abilities in some aspects are less then when she was younger, how much will she have left in 10 or 15years time? Will she stop feeling like a slave?

As we get older, we seem to undertake many changes, some of these are physical others are psychological. Part of the trouble with getting old is that your brain doesn't think it is. I just try, therefore, to concentrate on achieving the stuff I have to do and doing it as well as I am able at the time. No use worrying about what you cant do anything about.

I dont believe it affects the dynamic if you're in a stable and loving M/s relationship. Your dynamic fluctuates and adapts anyway to all sorts of outside influences and it will continue to change and develop as you grow, learn and grow older together. I respond to my beloveds teasing by saying that, "I am not old, I have just lived a lot". I am in superb form physically, however I worry that increasing age will bring mental infirmity but there is little I can do to prevent that and I know that Adri will take care of me in an appropriate fashion (and vice versa of course).

The advantage is that you have a lot of experience to fall back on. Age has made our expectations realistic and our dynamic tighter.

It's not just about strength and youth. That will eventually flee. It's about the relationship we share. It has little need for the hyper-physical stuff. It's a fun part of it to be sure (I refuse to even consider stopping my sadistic and sexual activities), but if that part ended today, we would still remain Master and slave and happily so. Life is way too short to worry about it, there are absolutely no guarantees. I may be 44 and my angel only 25, but as I see it I have at least a good 25-30 years left on these bones. Although I'm older than Adriana, we are on a par intellectually and emotionally. Our biological clocks seem to be ticking in unison, fortunately.

The things that I value most, and that form the basis of our relationship are, in simple terms, what I would call our understanding – the basis from which all other factors are generated, that of the fact that she's mine and belongs to me. The devotion she shows as a sub and a wife; The fact that we love each other very much. Her personality and personal qualities. She makes me laugh. Her intellect and thought process, she interests me and we talk for hours about all manner of stuff. The fact we communicate in very much the same way; it's like being able to speak shorthand to someone and knowing they will grasp even a complex matter swiftly and effectively, and frankly it's bliss. Her bravery and strength. Her kindness. So despite the fact that my girl has a luscious and highly enjoyable ass, and is a great subject for my various perverted desires, this is nowhere near the be all and end all for me (of course looking at my drop dead gorgeous bit of totty takes 10 years off me).

Apart from my wife the best, most sensuous sub I had was well into her 40is while I was in my early 20is. True beauty comes with age. My friend has nothing to worry about (not that that has ever stopped a single woman) even though she is hurtling toward 60 and is older than her Master who is 14 years junior. She has been slowing down in some areas, and he has been very patient with her. A month or so ago he (also a friend) was getting agrivated because she was asking him to repeat what he was saying a lot, until they found out quite by accident that she has a hearing loss for some tones. He's been trying to be patient, and they have been working on ways for her to inform him that she didn't hear him without constantly asking "huh?" and triggering his dom response. What upset *her* was that she found out that he was becoming reluctant to flog or cane her due to her hip. In her own words, "It really isn't THAT bad, or so I've tried to reassure him,". But as he confided to me those are the only two concessions he's made to her age. He still expects her to exercise, walk (well, when it warms up), keep mentally fit and creatively active and he is still madly in love with her.

Age is relative to the person and how they think of themselves. If you think you are old then you will be old. Just do it for as long as you can, while you can.

[thir]

This is one thoughtful as well as wonderful mail. Thanks.

No, you do not change on the inside except to get better, but there may be changes to take into account with the rest. So what? It is the law of nature.

BDSM is not for the young and beautiful, to be discarded at some fictional age. Apart from the idiocy of such ideas, the feelings involved are far too strong. It is for everyone, young or old, sick or healthy, fat or thin, this or that. Everyone.

[Mastrovenice]

I have succumbed to an 'age frenzy' that probably is a hallmark of those of a similar age (mid-40s). I see the end-zone rushing up and feel anxious about all the things undone, the partners I've not yet met, the fulfilling long-term relationship I am still not in. I alternate between the confidence that age gives one and the sheer terror that its all over now except the drooling and the diapers. I know there are many out there older than I who would laugh at my self-described antiquity, but sadly it is of little solace.

One of the good things about all this middle-age angst is that it has prompted me to more action, to actualize my dreams and ambitions where possible. I see this amongst others my age as well. Thank goodness. At least I'll have someone to play with.

[BlackDom32]

Well thought out and well put Demon. Gladly my sub and myself are both early 30's and hopefully will have many many years to ponder this and will take it all in stride. Somewhat moreso due to reading this today.

[sinfulsex]

My friend has nothing to worry about (not that that has ever stopped a single woman)

this bit made me laugh because its o so true! and im sure my Master would agree!!!!!

thank you for this insight and im sure in years to come (thankfully many years) i will remember this when i start panicking!

sinful

[denuseri]

As approach 30 rapidly I have often wondered what it will be like, I have seen a couple subs turn to being dommes when they got on in years becuase they no longer felt as if they were desierable (they were not in relationships eaither though) and I have had a very good friend here that I have witnessed going through the passing of her dom, and the kind of anxiety she had to weather due to her age (considering going vanillia etc).

I am so very glad you posted this it gives us all hope!

Many thanks.

[AdrianaAurora]

The only thing that worries me about the future is the fear of His memory significantly depreciating through Alzheimer's or any other issue. Not because of myself, but because I know that to be His biggest fear. However if that ever raises it's head as a problem we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

At present though He's a damn fine specimen, mentally and physically (He certainly has more energy than me), and I love Him to pieces.

I feel that as long as He can hold onto a cane and His walker at the same time, we're good to be fine, .

[AdrianaAurora]

this bit made me laugh because its o so true! and im sure my Master would agree!!!!!

Don't tell Him that! Or I will never hear the end of His "poor suffering Hubby" act.

[Ozme52]

You're old when you think you are.

Your body may age but if your mind is young, you pursue "new" things, learn new skills, expand how you live and play... and you can be young like me.

[love2serve]

Thanks for this thread Demon Dom. Having been in denial for years and then finally giving in to my desires late in life, I have days when I think 'why the hell didnt I do this years ago' - when my body was better and my mind more open to new things? However slowly but surely I am realising that age should have no bearing at all - you are, as was said above, as young as you feel, and these days I feel wonderful and feel as though I have been taken back 20 years. The future....... who knows, but at least I am willing to look it in the face and embrace it rather than resign myself to 'old age'

[jeanne]

...but at least I am willing to look it in the face and embrace it rather than resign myself to 'old age'

Amen.

[Demon Dom]

Thank you all for your comments.

[Pearlgem]

Yup, I think about age now and then and sometimes fret about getting old, which my Master thankfully doesn't hold with at all. You have to accept that the body wrinkles, droops, seizes up, expands here and sags there, but so what? I've always loved the look of older women who glam themselves up, full make up, and take on the world with confidence and a certain air. I certainly feel far more sexually charged than I ever did in my 20's and 30's.
Still, I do sometimes wonder what old people do. Just to be prurient. Do ancient couples still D/s or does it get rheumatically ridiculous? How hard can you cane a wrinkly butt? What if it aggravates your arthritis? Does BDSM 'burn itself out' with age? "Ooh, this dungeon's cold without my thermals. Look, my tits are dragging the floor. Pass me my woollen vest, would you, Master, and couldn't we just watch 'Masterchef' instead?"