Sometimes (just in may case), real life is cruel. I was into BDSM for years but as feeling interest and as a "gee I wish, I can find someone real for this". I found someone for BDSM partner in real first time, but several years after I married (my wife goes just vanilla). Now I have a discreet life between vanilla and BDSM, I have to play MBA (Married but Available), and now I have to deal with the guiltiness sense, I got used to it. I love my wife, but I love BDSM too.

I mentioned about my story because I believe, in your case, your situation is better than mine and you will likely have more bopportunity :-) there in US. I think, men are less conservative in BDSM and people there is more open minded (as far as I know).