Hello all,

I am getting ready to go see my mother for Christmas. She is not my abuser, but she certainly allowed it happen. I was a child (5) when my abuse started and a teenager (14) when it "ended." It didn't end, however, when the actual sexual abuse and torture stopped. It continued in more subtle ways. And that continued until I finally moved out of my family home. The abuse continues to impact me now in terms of PTSD symptoms, as well as in my relationships. I'm feeling particularly vulnerable this year because of some other things going on in my life - related to my abuse, of course - and just felt I needed to name that.
I'm hurting, and remembering some of the insanity of my childhood and thinking about it in different ways. My family has been torn apart and the only good part of my family (my father) is, unfortunately, long dead. I am alone for Christmas - not literally as I will see my mother and some friends (thank God for friends!) - but am not in a relationship. And I am rarely in one because of my abuse.
I'm feeling very lonely and alone this year and am grateful to have found this community and this thread here, as well as the courageous and kind people who post and who read this.
For those of you who celebrate Christmas, I hope it's a Merry one. For all of you, I wish you a peaceful new year.
Thanks for reading.
Lisa