Safe hugs to you, Kali...

So sorry this happened to you. I am glad, however, that I have "met" you here.

I can't speak for anyone but myself but I have wondered the same kind of thing for me. My abuse started around age 5, ended at 14 and I experienced a lot of sexual torture. My sexual fantasies from the time I was a child have included BDSM types of things. And, yes, my body responded to the abuse. Bodies are designed to respond to certain stimulation so that makes sense.

It's taken me years to get where I am in my healing, and it continues to be painful work. And it's taken me years to allow myself to really embrace my BDSM fantasies, rather than judge myself for them.

I have not acted yet in real life on my BDSM side, so I have some work to do to get to a place where I can explore this part of my sexuality - and for me this is about sexuality. Therefore my answer to you is incomplete... a work in progress, as they say. But I did want you to know that you're not alone.

Take care,
Lisa