All by myself...

[sub_nia]

What part of bdsm turns you on? When you fantasize, what side do you see yourself being on? I don't know how you would experiment on yourself with the dominant side, but you can always see if you like the pain aspect of being a sub. I always knew I was submissive, but at first I tried to fight it. LOL... that's how stubborn I am!

[BabyNightOwl]

I understand where you're coming from as a newbie myself. It's one thing to admit and accept that you have such desires to yourself but to actually trust someone to help you take the first steps into that world and not lead you astray takes great strength.

As for mastrabatory efforts, I recommend setting aside time for it before you just jump to it as any number of interruptions can pop up. Oils, toys and videos are always helpful as well.