I know this is in the submissive's section, but I happen to be a switch. Hope it's okay that I still share...


I have seen counselors off and on my entire life, and never told any of them what happened to me. Not my parents, siblings, or even a friend. This was for a few reasons. When I was 4 my half brother(same dad) taught me how to play "truth or dare" with consequences. This continued until I was about 6. He raped me 3 times. I don't remember details of everything unless I'm having flashbacks or night terrors. My sister was being abused to, but she was never raped. Just molested. He was 11 when it started(I came to find later that it was because he watched his biological mother get raped at gunpoint around that time) and as time pregressed he stopped wanting to play.

I thought he didn't love me anymore. That since he wasn't trying to do all these things to me that he didn't love me. Well, my biological mother caught us playing truth or dare after I begged him to play one last time with us. I did exactly what he told me to do jic we got caught

I lied.

That was the last time I ever saw him. My dad never spoke to him again. I am almost 21 years old and I have no idea where my brother is. A big part of me wants to see him because I heard he has kids now.

Up until 3 months ago no one knew what really happened to me. I had a flashback when I was wrestling with my husband(not anything sexual xuprisingly) and it just happened. I yelled at him curled in a ball and didnt move for a LONG time. He wants me to get help. I think I'm fine. I haven't needed to talk to anyone about it and part of me still wants to just believe it didnt happen. This is the first time I'm opening up to anyone outside of my husband and a friend who was also raped. Idk what responses I'm looking for I just wanted to vent to people who would get it I suppose...