Quote Originally Posted by 13'sbadkitty View Post
i was also abused sexually as a child and suffered from trauma issues much of my life. i have spent countless hours trying to figure out if this is why i am so submissive. i am not sure because i am 44 years old and have only had vanilla relationships till Him. i was often re-abused and finally went for dv counseling which taught me so much. He is the first man i chose to be with and the first man i have been safe with. its odd to me that W/we can engage in some of the things W/we do together and its good for me. W/we are 24/7 and engaged as well. i finally sleep at night with Him next to me after many years of not sleeping at all. He is the first who can get in and out of bed and i don't wake up. i bring all this up because i don't know if i was born like this or became like this or a combo. The abuse statistics are overwhelmingly high and many are not like this. i enjoy the way i live now and would hate to say that it is because i was abused like any other "symptom" i have from it.
Perhaps you just have a deeper knowledge of what safe isn't than most and can truly appreciate what safe actually is. Because you know how bad it can be you hold onto this safe power dynamic as if it were a life jacket. Not a bad thing. You deserve safe. Enjoy.