BDSM is not a black/white situation, it is not an on/off switch (excuse the unintended pun), it is different for every person. It has all the colours of the rainbow. It is what you and your partner(s) want it to be. It may or may not include pain, humiliatation, control, watersports, needles, 24/7, whatever - it is what works for you, what works for you, when it works for you, and how you want it to work for you.