Hey Mallory,

I am so glad to hear that my ideas have helped you. As far as creating punishments go, I often use the "evil genie" approach. My sub wishes for something he knows he's not supposed to have- (me making dinner)- and then I'll grant it, but how an evil genie would: where you get more than you bargained for and you're sorry the minute it's out of your mouth. To me that's a good way of making the "punishment fit the crime", and it gives your brain a lead-in for creating a punishment. Anyway, that's the line of thinking I tend to use.

Part of the problem is that she tends to think that I'm more vanilla than I am, and it will take some time to show her that I don't think she's "weird" or "disgusting" or "deviant".
Like you said, this kind of acceptance and trust will just take time. You have to push a little, but not too hard or too fast. I have the same issue with my little one- he has a different fetish that's not BDSM, which he thinks is beyond weird and freakish, and I've spent years convincing him that it doesn't bother me in the slightest and yes, he can express that for me. It was slow in coming but he holds back a little less and trusts me a little more with it all the time. Just be patient but prodding; slow progress is fine so long as there's progress. I wish you both good luck!