I can't comment per se, I'm not in your boat, I don't have that type of reaction to my actions in the vanilla world... but I would hope I just wouldn't let it bother me.

I would try to not let it make me question myself or the roles within my relationships. I get the feeling you just wanted to verbalize your irritation and get some feedback and that you are indeed both confident enough and happy in your relationship.

Sometimes you just have to take the high road.

And as far as "being wired in reverse" is concerned... no, not at all. You just chose to ignore the socialization that parents and peers tried to impose on you. There's a lot of evidence (in my opinion) that previous ancient civs were matriarchies... or at least inheritance passed from mother to son and not father to son. And though today we see the hunter role as the primary "lead role" for all we really know, the gatherer role was. It took more time to learn, to master, and to teach and pass on.

You, having adapted yourself to be primary in the industrial age's perspective of the household leader bodes well. And why not. We're lucky that we have the intellectual ability to chose.