The key thing to remember is that you always, always have the right to say "no." If your partner respects you, they will understand. If they do not respect you, they do not deserve to be with you.

Unfortunately, it's easy to say and difficult to do. Part of being a sub means that you are focused on pleasing the dom, in whatever form that may take. If you're deep in a scene, or in sub space, it becomes all the more difficult, especially when saying no is going to make you feel like you're somehow disappointing or failing your partner.

For me, I am much less concerned with the immediate situation at hand than the long-term implications of what is going on. If my partner is feeling bad, that will hurt her. I don't want that. Placing her in a situation where she wants to say no but feels she can't means I've failed her. Placing her in that level of stress is never a good thing.

Note, this doesn't mean I never stretch my partner Trying new (and sometimes daunting) things is important to find out if there is something better that can be done. It just means I don't spring things on her. We talk, we experiment, we focus on what works for the both of us. Yes, it is a dom/sub dynamic, but at the end of the day it is all about two people. Unless you are making an effort to see that things work out on that level, it will fall apart, which is (one would hope) not the goal.